Building Your Own Identity on Purpose
Lessons from 1 Samuel 25:1-35
Who am I?
What do I want to be known for?
What do I want to be known for?
Those are pervasively important ideas at Flight Deck. Who we are should drive what we do–in fact, it will drive what we do whether we want for it to or not, so taking the time to get to know ourselves better and to make key decisions about who we want to be, and set habits in place to build those characteristics we want to be known for is a key ingredient to building the life God wants us to have.
So when I came across this statement at the opening to a story I was reading during my morning Bible time, my attention was captured, but it turns out there is a WHOLE lot to glean in this chapter!
"Now there was a...rich man [who] was shearing his sheep in Carmel. The man's name was Nabal and the name of his wife was Abigail.
She was a woman of good understanding and beautiful,
but the man was harsh and evil in his actions..." (1 Samuel 25:2-3)
This inspired the first of MANY leadership questions I asked myself (and which I pose to you!) as I read this passage. Nabal and Abigail were both known for something. Everybody is. And so:
👉 Who are you? What do you want to be known for?
So–we're talking about our identity, right? And David has already been anointed as the king of Israel, but in his present circumstances, he is a fugitive and a beggar. Talk about an identity gap! I'm the king, but Saul's trying to kill me and I've got 600 men following me who I'm responsible for.
Yet, he still sees himself (and IS!) capable of sending blessing to the house of Nabal. He sends some of his men to Nabal and Abigail's house with this message:
"Peace be to you and peace to your house, and to all that you have, peace."
👉 What do you want your message to be? Will you use your own words to bless others?
👉 Can you see beyond your present circumstances?
Through his messengers, David explains that Nabal's shepherds have been with David's company and David's company were good to them--and he asks for Nabal (a wealthy man) to share whatever he can with them.
👉 Do you provide value?
👉 Are you willing to ask for help?
Nabal, who was known for being "harsh and evil in his actions" is true to form and is like,
"Uh. David who? Son of Jesse who? Why would I share with you? Go away!!"
👉 Are you willing to look at and see those around you? To meet a need when and where you can?
David hears about all this and tells his men to strap on their swords. It's on, like Donkey Kong.
He leaves 200 behind to guard their camp, and brings 400 with him to right this wrong that was done to him.
👉 Are you reactive and quick to lash out?
Meanwhile, one of Nabal's young men approaches Abigail--the woman known for being "of good understanding and beautiful."
This young man goes to her and tells her--
"look, David sent messengers out of the wilderness to bless our master; and he railed against them."
See-that idea of BLESSING was real to this young man. It should be real to us, too!
And he tells her--they were good to us. "They were a wall to us both by night and day."
👉 Are you blessing others–with both your words, and your actions? This young man had been impacted by both.
And maybe my favorite line of all:
(and this from the person in the story that isn't even named. A nobody. One of the young men who was part of their team of shepherds.)
He says,
"Now therefore know and consider what you will do, for evil is determined against our master and against all his household. He is such a worthless man that one cannot speak to him."
Now therefore know and consider what you will do.
(I just felt like that was worth writing as a headline.)
This young man gives Abigail an accurate assessment of the situation. Gives her the information she needs to make a right conclusion. Speaks up and tells the truth.
Here's how I picture the scenario playing out inside the compound:
While everyone else was complaining about what a loser their boss is. While everyone else was panicking about the 400 men heading their way to extract revenge for their leader's wounded pride. This guys is looking around and going, um, I'm gonna get Abigail.
👉 Are you the one with the level head?
👉 Do you give an accurate account of what is happening?
👉 Do you have the courage to speak up and the wisdom to know who to talk to?
👉 AND do you take the time, regularly, to know and consider what you will do?
That's a lot to glean already but the story isn't even over yet.
Abigail speaks to her servants and tells them to gather up a bounty of food, load it up on donkeys and head out immediately to meet up with David and his men. Not only this, but she tells them–I'll be coming right behind you.
👉 Can you take decisive action when needed?
👉 Do you show up for the hard conversations yourself?
When she gets to David, she falls down on her face in front of him, and says,
"Against me alone, my lord is the guilt. Please let your handmaid speak in your ears, and hear the words of your handmaid."
👉 Do you take responsibility (even when it's not your fault!)? Are you willing to fix problems that are not of your making?
👉 Do you approach people with a servant's heart? (Handmaid is an old-timey word for servant.)
She explains the situation, tells David she didn't know that his men had come, and asks him to please receive the blessing which she had brought for him and his men.
And THEN–she says. (and I paraphrase here)
Look. You're going to be king one day. We all know that the Lord has promised to establish your house forever. This is where you are now, but when you are made ruler over all of Israel do you want this to be a grief for you?
👉 Do you bring perspective and light to help people see beyond what's immediately in front of them?
"David said to Abigail, 'Blessed be the Lord, God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me. And blessed is your discretion, and blessed are you who have kept me this day from coming to shed blood and from avenging myself with my own hand.'"
👉 Are you willing to hear reason?
👉 To back down from your own anger and hurt?
👉 To thank those who offer you advice?
👉 Who are you? What do you want to be known for?
Abigail was a woman of good understanding. And she demonstrated this quality by listening to counsel from one of her husband's servants, by confronting an attack leveled against her household using diplomacy, grace and courage.
What do you want to be known for? We develop character as a result of consistent decisions we make over time regarding our own attitudes, thoughts, actions and responses.
If we don't first make the decision, though, about who we want to and will be, we will default to what's easy, convenient, and feels good in the moment.
👉 What decisions can you make NOW so that you will move in the direction you want to go over time?
This story has several heroes. The unnamed servant who spoke up and saved that entire household. Abigail who put her "good understanding" to good use in a moment of crisis. David who overcame his own overreaction and returned to his senses.
We are ALL the heroes of our own stories. We get to choose our own character qualities and story arc.
We have an awesome fillable worksheet to help you work through your own character description using the questions from this story as a starting point. It will help you think through how you see yourself, and how to take more mindful action toward becoming the you that you want to be.
And here's a prayer as well:
Lord, help me to not be reactive, but to be of good understanding and live in a way where I continuously know and consider what I will do. And help me to do so in a manner where I am yielded to You and Your guidance–not leaning on my own understanding but trusting in You with all my heart. Lord, put in my heart what You would have me be in this world I inhabit. Help me to have my eyes on those around me. To see them and be always ready to let my words and actions bless others. I ask for discernment and wisdom and understanding as I consider all that is happening around and to me. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen
Plant his thoughts about you into you with "8 Ideas."
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Learn more about your personality and how God made you with "Personality Deep Dive."
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